Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
