That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
