Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
