if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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