maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
