i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
