I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, beer. Big fan.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
