no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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