Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
