loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
