The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
