thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
