you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sober January is a disaster.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The Olympian is in my bed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
