Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
