Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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