pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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