Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
