i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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