I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
