Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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