a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
