i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
