I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
