You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
