dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
