Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
did i walk over a car last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
