I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
