They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
