I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
