She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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