it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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