New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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