After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
