theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
