we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
