the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
