two words: eviction party
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
