It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize