It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He better not be in your backpack
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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