how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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