I wish I could punch you in the face.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
