Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
