We won't sleep together?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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