Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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