Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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