He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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