It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
