She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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