I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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