Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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