I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
