Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
