i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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