So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
