yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I need a burrito and a hug.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
