I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
