Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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