hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
