just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize