But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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