Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
