I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
