Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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