My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
