Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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