I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Still dying that you shit outside
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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