Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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