i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
