That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
