We won't sleep together?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
