bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
