Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
