i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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