mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Farmville is her only friend.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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