Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
