He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
