she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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