chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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