Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
