I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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