Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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