just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
