we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
