so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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