he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You took a bar mat shot.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
