you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
