She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We need a shit load of segways right now
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
