when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
