Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
