This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
