After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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