Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
